So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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