1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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