During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
