Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i may or may not be watching the land before time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
