I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
