we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
