i need an iv and a liver transplant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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