I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Congratulations! We have a period
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