I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
