last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
