: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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