nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
