Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
