I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
