Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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