she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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