She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
