Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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