Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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