dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
