You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
