just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
