you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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