she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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