I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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