Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you never un-have a 4some
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
