you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
