I feel like abortions should bother me more
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
