Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
