you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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