Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
