Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
