When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
as a side note pls kill me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
