He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
