after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
