Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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