i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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