dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
