Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
