i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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