In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
