Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
