Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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