Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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