two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
