i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
