i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
