I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
