I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
