ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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